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Chinese Astrology and the Chinese Zodiac: It's More Than the Kitschy Placemat at Mr. Wong's

Mon, 21 Jun 2010 16:34:08 +0000

Humph! Do I feel like a total schmuck!

For an article I was writing, I had to do a bit of research on Chinese astrology and the Chinese zodiac.

Now, I come from a Jewish family so I can tell you every detail about every animal on "the" placemat.

For those of you who don't know about the legendary correlation between Jews and Chinese food, click here to read my article Chinese Astrology & the Chinese Zodiac: Why I love Chinese food and den' sum!

But, in terms of studying Chinese astrology and the Chinese zodiac the way I devour every other metaphysical subject...not so much...in fact...not at all.

Chinese astrology and the Chinese zodiac simply was never in my consciousness as "metaphysical".

Too much MSG as a kid, what can I tell you?

But, in exploring the axioms...I find the subjects to be just like Chinese food. I have some now and two hours later I'm hungry again!

What an incredibly beautiful form of divination is Chinese astrology.

I'm officially in love.

In terms of divination, Western astrology's never really chopped my sticks either, if ya' know what I mean. Gimme' a good psychic, medium and or card flipper (Tarot reader) any day.

I've always been all, "Yeah...so I'm a Scorpio...whut?".

Maybe it's just the super cute purse I have that looks like a Chinese takeout box...but all the elements used in the Chinese astrology and the Chinese zodiac create like this big spiritual fusion thing goin' on in my soul.

The first thing it's important to know is...this stuff is deep...you know, like when your parents used to tell you, "If you keep digging like that you're gonna' dig your way to China?"...yeah...that deep.

It fairly profound - in simple way - if that makes any sense whatsoever. So we're gonna' do it together...one step at a time.

Since I'm OCD about beginning at the beguine...the history of the Chinese astrology and the Chinese zodiac is older than the Buddhameister and his esteemed colleague Confucius. It is the oldest known form of astrology.

There are several stories about how the particular animals which represent the 12 Chinese zodiac signs came to be representin'...but no one can say for certain.

Chinese astrology is rooted in Chinese philosophy so its principles greatly differ from Western astrology. Both forms of divination are predictive...an outline of your "destiny"...but it is Chinese astrology that provides the "out clause".

As a business owner, I'm all about the out clause. As a woman, I'm all about choice. As a spirit, I'm all about ascension.

And there's the rub.

Chinese astrology affords me the opportunity to see what snafus may be coming down the pike and helps me figure out how to avoid or remedy said snafus. This, of course, makes life mo' better which, in turn, helps in the ascension process.

So, to the honorable Universe who gave us this great gift of divination, I humbly offer my thanks and apologize to my honorable astrological ancestors for ignoring ya'll.

In my next series of posts, Chinese Zodiac Signs Meanings I'll go into the 12 animals that make up the Chinese zodiac.

I'm a snake, by the way. Snakes...why does it always have to be snakes...

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Chinese Astrology: Chinese Zodiac Calendar

Chinese Astrology and the Chinese Zodiac: Why I love Chinese food...and 'den sum

Chinese zodiac signs meanings: Dragon

Fri, 18 Jun 2010 19:55:11 +0000

Enter…the DRAGON!

Flamboyant, free-spirited and, of course, fiery, if you're born under the Chinese zodiac sign of Dragon you are all this and more!

You ain't hidin' from nobody, Baby!

Everything you think, say and do is BIG!

You know that size matters.

Your never ending story is filled with timeless myths and incredible legends. Interestingly, you are the only imaginary animal of the 12 Chinese zodiac signs.

Yet, your presence in the Universe is no figment in the land of imagination.

Because of your confidence, fearlessness and massive ambition you're a natural born leader. People look up to you and will follow your directives…which you tend to bellow rather than speak. Be careful Dragon, your proclivity for tyranny could easily lead to a reign of fire.

However, on the flip side, Dragons can be gentle with their slaves…which is how they look at those who serve them. A Dragon is Lord of their burnin' rings of fire and all who walk within are expected to know this and acquiesce.

To a Dragon, everyone is to understand their individual role in life and a Dragon ain't playin'. Go ahead. Cross the line. If there were still such things as dungeons a Dragon would put you there for having such fantasies as to be their equal. Don't you understand you're a lowly human being for Pete's sake!?

Only one thing is known to strike terror in a Dragon's heart and make them snap. The mere thought of growing old - of knowing the strength of their youth is an era gone by - is enough to take a dragon's breath away.

It turns 'em into big old Dragon ballz of mush.

Of the personalities of the 12 Chinese zodiac animals, Dragon's are the only ones who are never disappointed in love. In fact they do the disappointing. It's not unusual to see a pitiful mortal who has chanced to fall in love with such a lofty creature, trying to grab it by the tail, all the while wailing, "What am I supposed to do? I didn't know what I was getting into. Stop dragon my heart around!"

On the Chinese zodiac calendar, Dragon years are for thinking big thoughts and making bold moves. No matter how outlandish or risky your ideas and actions seem to be at this time, it ain't Nessi-sarily so.

In terms of symbolism, Dragons represent the supernatural, royalty, power, mo' money and fertility.

Money is not always the end goal for a Dragon. Their eyes are on prestige. Talented, super intelligent and tenacious with a D, a Dragon will fly to the very top of whatever career they choose be it artistic or scientific.

For all you Dragon ladies out there, of the 12 Chinese zodiac signs you tend to be among the most successful women.

Yu-Gi-Oh girl!

But be careful oh great winged one. Always remember nobody's perfect and there's a Dragon slayer in every crowd. Before you get too high inhaling the sweet fragrance of success - do a little less puffing up of your own importance and pass on some tokens of appreciation for those who've helped you light up your prosperity pipeline. This act of generosity will make you the magic Dragon you truly are.

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Chinese zodiac signs meanings: Horse

Fri, 18 Jun 2010 19:52:21 +0000

Hi, ho Silver! Away!

Annnndddd we're off to the races!

Ride, Sally, Ride!

Now, a horse is a horse, of course, of course but of the personalities of the 12 Chinese zodiac animals, Horses are the ones always rearing to go!

You're headin' 'em up and movin' 'em out, baby!

If you're born under the Chinese zodiac sign of the Horse, your prodigious intelligence and tendency to be a work horse allows you to plow ahead of all the rest in almost every endeavor.

You'll have crossed many a finish line long before the others even make it out of the starting gate. You're the Life Whisperer.

Hay, that's an OK corral to be in!

Because Horses believe themselves to be the world's beasts of burden, those crazy Horses simply do not know how smart they really are. They mistakenly think all their time spent in the winner's circle is due only to their hard work and good horse sense. The Chinese zodiac sign of the Horse seldom can be trained to know how truly special they really are. This accounts for their innate lack of confidence.

Hay, that may not be an OK corral to be in.

But, then, you know the whole "you can lead a horse to water" routine.

However, on the flip side, Horses can be a bit egotistical - neigh - even downright selfish.

Hot-to-trot, Horses are one of the sexier signs of the Chinese zodiac. You've definitely sown your share of wild oats. You're made of steel except when it comes to love. It's your Trojan…uh…yourself.

No matter how many times you end up in the dirt, you get back in the saddle time and again because you're a dreamer. It's the joy and the pain of that damned old rodeo of love. Don't worry, you'll win the next go 'round.

Hot-headed, it's sometimes hard to know what will trigger the Horse's temper. Man o' man, can you go to war! It's been Affirmed that it takes a Phar Lap to get you to forfeit or withdraw. You need a Secretariat just to keep track of all your battles royale. Take off your horseshoes, have some Red Rum and a Seabiscuit and kick up your heels a bit! Cool down or you could wind up getting a Citation from the War Admiral.

Always one to be part of the herd, Horses scout out crowds - especially crowded events. Conversely, they get long in the face if they feel peer pressure. You, Horse, are a rebel with many a cause but you don't have a group mentality. Meaning, you want to work for the greater good but you want to do so in your own time and in your own way. This juxtaposition makes it tough for you to ever feel as though you truly "belong".

The Horse hates to be fenced in and tends to leave home early, seeking greener pastures elsewhere. You are infamous for your short attention span.

On the Chinese zodiac calendar, Horse years are for rebuilding. Though the Chinese zodiac sign of the Horse is an expert with money, Horse years must be carefully monitored for monetary expenditures. Don't horse around with your dough. You do not want to go through financial desert on a horse with no name. And you don't wanna' run around calling, "Wildfire! Wildfire in my bank account!"

Horse symbolism is that of strength and stamina. It is strength symbolized as honor, valor, conviction and courage rather than the brutish kind.

You, Horse, are a being painted with many different colors. You're head-strong but a pushover. You want a soulmate yet crave independence. You've got a city slicker's cunning and you're naive at the same time.

Some believe you to be fickle while others say you're hedging your bets.

And, then, there are those who know the Horse's unbridled, passionate nature leads it where few will follow. The Horse wants to experience all the Universe has to offer.

As Pegasus you fly to the heavens and reside in the stables of the Gods to remind mankind of the ascension. As a unicorn, you reside in the magickal realms on earth, reminding mankind of purity, unity and unconditional love. As a centaur, you reside in a duality to remind us to seek balance and harmony in all things.

Always remember Horse, when your pale brother takes you on a final ride, wild hearts can't be broken and we'll do some living after we die.

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Chinese zodiac signs meanings: Ox

Fri, 18 Jun 2010 19:45:43 +0000

So the saying goes, "If you want something done - and done right - you gotta' do it yourself!".

If you believe that, then you've never met someone whose Chinese zodiac sign is the Ox!

Incredibly detail oriented the Ox is as methodical as they come. Slow and steady wins their race which could explain why Oxen have a longer than usual life span.

There's a reason for the old adage "Strong as an Ox", but it is only partially because of their massive physical strength.

Of all the personalities of the 12 Chinese zodiac animals, the Ox is the most hard working and persistent.

They'll stay on task long past the point the rest of us have called the paramedics.

Their true grit and determination puts even The Duke to shame.

A little known fact is that the Energizer company first hypothesized using the Ox in their commercials. The original campaign was "Nothing outlasts the Energizer Ox." But the Ox's agent blew the deal in the final round of negotiations.

Fiercely loyal, dogmatic and uber responsible, if you're born under the Chinese zodiac sign of the Ox you only see things two ways…yours…and everyone else's. For you, everything is black or white - good or bad. You will listen to others but most likely will heed your own council.

You're not a jealous lot. You don't even harbor any ill will toward that insipid little fluffy pink bunny who landed the Energizer gig. It wouldn't seem as though you'd be creative but you absolutely are. You could just as easily succeed in the arts as you could owning…oh…say…a lumber company. Just look at Babe, The Big Blue Ox.

He's a veritable movie star and has a successful millworks operation supplying the world with recycled and reclaimed wood harvested from river bottoms and old structures.

Oxen don't really "date" - they "relationship". The running of the bulls toward their perfect mate can go on for years but, once they've found Him or Her, it's on like Donkey Kong! However of all the personalities of the 12 Chinese zodiac animals, Oxen are some of the hardest folks to maintain a relationship with because they're so - well - bullheaded.

There's a reason cartoonists draw Oxen with steam coming out of their noses. They can get really, really, really mad (Remember that old "Bull in a china shop" thing? Where do you think it came from?)!

When the Ox goes on a stampede, it's better just to avoid them altogether and wait till someone yells "Olly, olly Oxen free!" before you go back in the bullpen.

On the Chinese zodiac calendar, Ox years are sure to be stable and a great time to expand in a slow and steady manner. Also during this time, family life is particularly good with marriages and childbirths increasing in number.

Ox symbolism speaks of harvests and agriculture. Used for centuries to plow the land, the Ox symbolizes abundance and perseverance. Security is what you crave and you will work your whole life to achieve both for yourself and those you love.

Some advice on the hoof:

Someone with the Chinese zodiac sign of Ox will never, ever steer you wrong...and that's no bull!

Ole'!

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Chinese zodiac signs meanings: Tiger

Fri, 18 Jun 2010 19:38:23 +0000

"People are imbeciles! Lucky thing God made cats." Catwoman

Of the Chinese zodiac signs, Tigers are the animals known throughout history for their courage and fearlessness!

They don't change their stripes once they've made up their mind to take a stand!

One word of caution for you Tigers, though. Make sure you get enough fiber.

It really helps with the hair balls.

You don't want to be lookin' fierce…tellin' somebody they better start praying' for mercy and, then, go all Puss in Boots and everything.

Not sexy.

(Disclaimer: Antonio Banderas is always sexy!)

Never one to be trapped, you're born free. You love adventure and are positively addicted to excitement. It's your catnip.

You're a leader with a natural air of superiority. You are the original Aristocats! How you love to be Hobbes-nobbin with the rich and famous! The world belongs to you! It is your personal Pride Lands to survey as you wish. You're nooooo cringer!

Be careful with that confidence Tiger. Nobody's purrfect and you don't want to end up a rug in front of someone's fireplace! Remember, not every shot can be a hole-in-one so, Tiger, try to stay out of the woods by being a bit more gracious to your adoring public.

Tigers are incredibly romantic but can tend to let their emotions get away with them. Tigers, there's a fine line between true love and stalking your prey so if you see an Animal Services truck pull up in front of your house, it's probably time to lay low for a while!

On the Chinese zodiac calendar, Tiger years are about drama fer yo' Mamma'! But before you start caterwauling, remember change and upheaval can be a good thing or it can totally suck. Either way, you may want to take a long catnap before the Year of the Tiger.

Of the 12 Chinese zodiac signs, Tiger symbolism brings the most masculine traits to the forefront. Even if a Tigress, you're all about the virility and strength. Wanna' test the aggressiveness of a female Tiger?

Let some other Tigress' cub get a spot on the cheerleading team!

There'll be NO crouching for that Momma' and she ain't hidin' her dragon NOWHERE!

Run for your lives 'cause her claws are comin' out and they're painted red!

Blood red!

However, while they're gnawing the remains of the carcass, what they're probably thinking about is their next Broadway smash hit because, on the flip side, Tigers are sensitive, emotional and creative.

A little known fact is that Tony the Tiger is one of the writer/producer's of Cats, the musical. He collaborated with Andrew Lloyd Webber but they had a falling out over which litter to use backstage (clay or pine). Recently, however, the two shook paws and now, they're grrrrrrreat!

Ya' know, the most wonderful thing about Tiggers is that you'll rise up - go straight to the top.

You've got the guts and you'll get the glory.

Of all the personalities of the 12 chinese zodiac animals, you'll go the distance 'cause you're not gonna' stop!

You're a survivor!

So, go get 'em Tiger!

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Chinese zodiac signs meanings: Snake

Fri, 18 Jun 2010 18:54:24 +0000

Snake, rattle and roll, Baby!

If your Chinese zodiac sign is that of the Snake, you're a charmer!

You don't merely walk into a room, you make an entrance! The ground undulates and sets off tremors!

You're positively electric!

That's why it's always dangerous to have Snakes on a plane.

You, Snake, will not be ignored and expect nothing less than to be the apple of everyone's eye.

However, you are never a snake in the crass.

Your manners are impeccable. You're the un-extroverted extrovert! You love power and control but from behind the scenes.

In the personalities of the 12 Chinese zodiac animals, you'll find the Snake to be among the most determined. Once committed to something or someone, the Snake will persevere to the bitter end.

They are the original seducers of mankind. Once he or she hypnotizes you with their trademark enigmatic stare, you'll think you've rolled snake eyes and hit the jackpot o' love!

So adept at coiling around someone's heart is the Snake, when pitted against one in a competition for affections, the other 11 Chinese zodiac signs simply concede victory - slytherin away - muttering, "Snakes. Why'd it have to be Snakes?"

Sometimes you do have to watch out though.

Snakes can be a bit possessive and suffocating.

Usually very funny, beautiful and successful, they need a lot of security. If a Snake can't find the security they so desperately need or - God forbid - get rejected, they are very likely to grow their hair long, rat it out, buy some ripped jeans and start an 80's tribute band.

You'll find them in some sleazy pit with their fangs hooked over the rim of a martini glass, sucking down the venomous elixir and wailing, "Here I go again on my own. Goin' down the only road I've ever known. Like a drifter I was born to walk alone. Cos' I know what it means to walk the lonely street of dreams."

An intellectual and philosopher, to say a Snake is cerebral is the understatement of the Chinese New Year. In fact, those born under the Chinese zodiac sign of the Snake tend to be psychic. They have a knowing that others cannot fathom. Further, you, Snake, have the confidence to follow your gut and trust your natural instincts.

However, Snake, you sometimes speak with forked tongue. If you wore pants, they'd be on fire! You don't lie often but when you do, you're so good at it, you believe yourself! Now you know that's a no-no, Snake. And it says so in the Good Jungle Book.

Ssssssympathetic and generous with money, the Snake, sssssspeaking of money, will never have to worry about finances. Somehow, there always seems to be enough.

So, stop wiggin' Medusa!

You'll alwayssssss be able to get yo' weave did, Girl!

On the Chinese zodiac calendar, Snake years (though quieter than the previous Dragon year) are full of mystery! Beware of things you can't immediately see during these years.

Snake symbolism is based on its ancient ancestry. From the Garden of Eden to Harry Potter, Snakes have always symbolized secrecy, wisdom and treachery. However, Snakes are also symbols of guarded treasures.

If you're searching for treasures - like - oh - say - your car keys - and you just can't seem to find it.

Look again.

It's closer than you might think.

In fact, it's so close, if it wuz a Snake, it woulda' bit cha'!

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Chinese zodiac signs meanings: Sheep

Fri, 18 Jun 2010 18:52:47 +0000

A wolf in sheep's clothing?

Never! They don't have your style! They don't have your grace!

And they certainly don't have your talent for…well…everything!

If ewe're born under the Chinese zodiac sign of the Sheep, your creativity is shear genius!

And your artistic ability brings you many friends. This is a good thing considering how insecure and sheepish you can be.

Though you are a visionary, you tend to get all wild and wooly over the smallest things.

Relax!

Things are not that bleat…uh…bleak and nothing is ever that baaaad.

Never one to enjoy confrontation and always worried what others will think, the Chinese zodiac sign of the Sheep will out and out pull the wool over someone's eyes rather than take a stand for what they believe if it is not the popular opinion.

Further, Sheep are completely obsessed with their appearance and tend to be followers rather than leaders.

For these reasons, Sheep make great Stage Moms and Sorority Girls.

A little known fact is that the children's nursery rhyme Mary Had a Little Lamb actually started out as the official sorority chant of the Lambduh's. The line "…everywhere that Mary went her lamb was sure to go…" was all about pledge week.

Legend has it that one semester a big sister named Mary took initiations too far when she denied the newbies Mani-Pedi's and Starbucks for the entirety of Greek Week!

Well, when Mary realized what a mistake she'd made, she compounded the problem by demanding silence of the lambs.

However, one pledge by the name of Shari Lewis - who, apparently, was the black sheep of the group and a fantastic ventriloquist - swore she wasn't takin' that kind of fleecing from anybody with such a bad dye job!

So she retaliated by spreading a rumor that the cloven-hoofed Mary had actually come to college to learn.

Then Shari followed Mary around school one day and, using her ventriloquism, made it seem as if Mary was randomly blurting out things like, "I don't give it up on the first date" and "I'll never get a boob job".

Since nobody's rep could stand a hit like that the offending sister took it on the lamb and was never seen or heard from again - perhaps never realizing she'd merely been Shari's puppet.

Poor lamb-chop. Tsk, tsk, tsk.

Of the personalities of the 12 chinese zodiac animals, Sheep make some of the most excellent astrologers or fortune tellers. They are dyed in the wool lovers of all things esoteric and mystical. Their artistic sensitivity makes it easy for them to receive messages from Spirit.

In romance Sheep can be a bit bossy and may not always contribute to the same degree as their partner, but the Sheep's sensitive, caring and sweet nature makes them very hard creatures to resist.

Sheep symbolism is that of the feminine divine. They symbolize all qualities most thought of as female and stand as one of the most prominent symbols of creativity in the arts.

On the Chinese zodiac calendar, Sheep years are all about that which is for the greater good. Awareness of humanity as a whole is achieved during this year. Charity groups see an increase in contributions. Anything related to the arts will absolutely thrive during this time.

Always remember Sheep, there is only one of you. You are unique, special and the original.

Have courage.

Stand your ground.

Though many may try you cannot be cloned.

And if they don't like it, they can just take their Dolly and go home!

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Chinese zodiac signs meanings: Rooster

Fri, 18 Jun 2010 18:45:56 +0000

Rock-A-Doodle doo, Baby!

If you're born under the Chinese zodiac sign of the Rooster - yup - you guessed it - you've got something to crow about!

Even if you didn't, you'd do it anyway!

There certainly isn't anything little about you! You're atomic, Rooster! What's more, you know it - and make sure everyone else does too! How you love to be the center of attention!

Blunt, to the point, motivated and extremely focused you know exactly why you crossed the road and are sick of people asking "Why?"!

Not one to fly the coop, of all the personalities of the 12 Chinese zodiac animals, Roosters are among the most loyal. They will stay by your side long after the others have run away screaming, "The sky is falling! The sky is falling!"

Very little makes these chicken run.

Take good care of your Roosters. Friends such as they are as scarce as hen's teeth.

Of the 12 Chinese zodiac signs, Roosters are one of the more observant. It is not easy to fool a Rooster. Those chickens have eyes like a hawk!

They can smell fowl play a mile away.

And they love iambic pentameter.

With a super sharp proclivity for details, the Chinese zodiac sign of Rooster makes a fantastic military person as exemplified by General Jack Pershing. Now General Jack was no Rooster Cogburn but we all contribute in our own inimitable ways and the forty grand old General Jack raised for the war effort wasn't chicken scratch.

In business, Roosters are usually very successful. But they can be workaholics so have to be careful they don't get crispy fried. In particular they like the restaurant business because they make great hosts and love to entertain.

If you're lucky enough to get an invitation to one of their soirees, you can be sure that you will be well fed and the cocktails will be fabulous. A Rooster will throw down a buffet where every morsel is finger lickin' good!

Additionally, you might want to put on that slinky little black number because chicken's love to dance! They can really beak it…uh…break it down!

On the Chinese zodiac calendar, Rooster years are all about career. These years are when the Rooster's aggressive and, sometimes, combative nature kicks into high gear. Rest assured that leghorn standing in front of you - challenging you - is no foghorn.

He won't go off half cocked though, His strategy will be well planned.

Interestingly, the most pugilistic chickens always seem to come from Buffalo.

Northerners!

The symbolism of the Rooster is that of aggressive behavior and keen alertness. The Western Hemisphere honors the Rooster as the trumpeter of the dawning of a new day whereas in the East the Rooster symbolizes the early evening hours when the barnyard is settling in for the night.

In love, Roosters can be a little funky. They'll dream of their perfect mate for years but because nobody could ever possibly live up to that dream they may feel as though they'll never find their true love.

When it comes to the supernatural, Roosters are believers.

They know the movie Poultrygeist was no cock n' bull story.

Though they are powerhouses in their own right, Roosters are simple and uncomplicated. They realize life is short. In fact, these practical people are famous for saying things like, "Hey, you're a Rooster one day, a feather duster the next. Whaddya' gonna' do?"

If you have drama goin' on in your life don't get your feathers all ruffled. Just relax and remember these wise words;

Ain't nuttin' but a thang chicken wang!

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